(Cont'd from Part One...)
As I was driving home that day, I was trying to figure out a way to breach this subject and to let hubby know that I had made a new discovery and this would definitely solve all our problems! (Remember, I was also living in a "false" reality.) It was several days before I was able to approach hubby with my findings as communication wasn't our best feature. Most discussions ended up in a fight with me giving out a generous serving of the silent treatment (at least, until I felt better) and hubby internalizing more reasons why I must really regret having married him.
As I was driving home that day, I was trying to figure out a way to breach this subject and to let hubby know that I had made a new discovery and this would definitely solve all our problems! (Remember, I was also living in a "false" reality.) It was several days before I was able to approach hubby with my findings as communication wasn't our best feature. Most discussions ended up in a fight with me giving out a generous serving of the silent treatment (at least, until I felt better) and hubby internalizing more reasons why I must really regret having married him.
The conversation actually went much better than I expected. Hubby was also surprised to see the information I shared as he had struggled through school as a child, not understanding why school was so difficult. I could see the relief in his eyes as he began to catch just a tiny glimpse of the answers to some of his questions he'd carried for years. Hubby promptly made an appointment with our general doctor and was required to fill out a questionnaire. (Keep in mind, this was 15 years ago.)
Let me just insert here that it is SO important to be seen by the right type of doctor as the knowledge has grown immensely in the past 15 years, but it seems that many doctors still are not as knowledgeable as others when it comes to ADHD, be it diagnosing and/or treating.
Back to the doctor visit...The doctor flippantly agreed that hubby probably had ADHD, prescribed him a medication and sent him on his way. Hubby was told that he would need to call the doctor's office for refills on his medication as the doctor would only be able to prescribe 30 days at a time. That is all that was done for him that day.
Now, I'm sure I don't have to tell you that sending a person with ADHD home with a bottle of pills and telling them to take one each day and call in a month for a refill and actually expecting the person to do so is more than a high calling. This would require the person with ADHD to remember on his/her own to 1.) take the daily medication and 2.) remember to call for a refill and 3.) be motivated to do all the above. Fifteen years ago, made perfect sense to me and if it was as simple as that, hallelujah, things were going to change!
It wasn't long until days went by without hubby taking his med and, um, about that call back to the doc for a refill...yeah, it never happened.
You see, what I understand today is that persons with ADHD (adults and children alike) need much more support than a prescription placed in their hand. They need explanation and understanding as to why they are the way they are. It is not their fault or stupidity at play, it is simply the way their brain is wired and it absolutely can't be helped. This is the first step in understanding for them. Another component to grasp is that ADHD is not something that will go away after a few rounds of meds. One may become successful without meds through other interventions, such as coaching, therapy, etc. Most importantly, a person with ADHD needs help in tackling daily challenges. The medication is not magic and is not a cure, but is a tool by which challenges can be faced head on when before, challenges were too overwhelming.
You see, what I understand today is that persons with ADHD (adults and children alike) need much more support than a prescription placed in their hand. They need explanation and understanding as to why they are the way they are. It is not their fault or stupidity at play, it is simply the way their brain is wired and it absolutely can't be helped. This is the first step in understanding for them. Another component to grasp is that ADHD is not something that will go away after a few rounds of meds. One may become successful without meds through other interventions, such as coaching, therapy, etc. Most importantly, a person with ADHD needs help in tackling daily challenges. The medication is not magic and is not a cure, but is a tool by which challenges can be faced head on when before, challenges were too overwhelming.
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