(Cont'd from Part One and Part Two)
This part of my story will be a sort of "fast-forward" through about 13 years. In a nutshell, many years went by without anything being done about the "supposed" but very suspected diagnosis. Fears such as, "What if the medication doesn't work?" or "What if things don't really change?" might have kept hubby from pursuing help. In the meantime, I began harboring resentment. Because, again, if he really cared more about me, he would go and get some help. (I was still living under the false pretense that a simple pill would cure all.) We were both acting out of selfishness and refusing to see our situation through the other's eyes. What I didn't understand then that I am beginning to understand today is that ADHD cannot be avoided or helped. The person with ADHD is not to be at the center of blame. ADHD is not something that will be outgrown, so this person will be dealing with this challenge for a lifetime to come. The person(s) who live with a diagnosed ADHDer cannot stick their head in the sand and take a "hands off" approach. Frustration will come, believe me, but keeping things in perspective is a must. There are days when it will be very difficult and there are days that will be very rewarding.
This part of my story will be a sort of "fast-forward" through about 13 years. In a nutshell, many years went by without anything being done about the "supposed" but very suspected diagnosis. Fears such as, "What if the medication doesn't work?" or "What if things don't really change?" might have kept hubby from pursuing help. In the meantime, I began harboring resentment. Because, again, if he really cared more about me, he would go and get some help. (I was still living under the false pretense that a simple pill would cure all.) We were both acting out of selfishness and refusing to see our situation through the other's eyes. What I didn't understand then that I am beginning to understand today is that ADHD cannot be avoided or helped. The person with ADHD is not to be at the center of blame. ADHD is not something that will be outgrown, so this person will be dealing with this challenge for a lifetime to come. The person(s) who live with a diagnosed ADHDer cannot stick their head in the sand and take a "hands off" approach. Frustration will come, believe me, but keeping things in perspective is a must. There are days when it will be very difficult and there are days that will be very rewarding.
Another concept I am beginning to embrace is that ADHD doesn't have a "uniform". It can manifest itself in different ways within different people. The "box" doesn't exist. Therefore, treatments will vary in success as well. As we are in the beginning of the journey of diagnosis and treatment, patience for me is a must as we go through trials and studies and strategies. Hubby must find what works for him and I must learn that it is probably not going to be what works for me. It doesn't even have to make sense for me as long as it works for him and helps him to be successful.
As we move into testing in the next few weeks for our child, I am anxious, but maybe not for the reason you suspect. I am not anxious about the outcome as we are fairly certain of what that outcome will be. I am anxious about being the right kind of mom, gaining enough understanding and compassion to be able to be helpful and not hurtful, and strengthening our relationship rather than causing damage.
I feel as if I can't soak in enough information. I have four books on the way, I'm constantly scouring the internet for articles. I am learning, which I know is the first step for me. One thing I consistently find...ADHD is highly manageable given the right relationship with medical professionals who lead to successful strategies. Don't settle for anything less.
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